Lug Bolt Woes

As they say, time is fun when you're having flies, which is what I have been doing a lot of lately and thus not actively working on JC. That said, Jonny has not been neglected and spent the last week at Autohaus in Simon's good hands sorting the air conditioning system and transmission leaks.  There were, of course, a few additional items in need of attention as well, including the recalcitrant trunk lock and sourcing an extra key, thanks to Mike & Vince (the sellers).

Additionally, the paint and body gurus took a look and came back with what I thought was a very reasonable estimate thus far. We will see if the estimate grows marginally or exponentially once they start removing glass, cladding and headliner.

I received six good wheels from Malcolm (thanks again buddy) and had four of them repainted. They look good as new. The biggest P.I.A. this week has been trying to find the correct replacement lug bolts for the freshly painted rims. It turns out Mercedes-Benz just recently discontinued the original style lug bolts with the elongated shaft and crown before the threads. I ordered replacement lug bolts from OEMercedes out of Atlanta, but only after talking to their customer service guy on the phone. The gentleman gave me two part numbers, the first one being A1264000070, which he said was discontinued. He then said the replacement part number was A1240000770, so that's what I ordered. What I received was part number A0009904807, Mercedes-Benz "replacement" for the old style bolt. The replacement bolts will be recessed into the lug nut holes and will not be flush with the surface of the wheel like the original lug bolts. After trying unsuccessfully to contact OEMercedes on the phone I sent them and email:

You sent me the the wrong wheel bolts (20). You sent part number A000-990-48-07, which appears to be a substitute or replacement part number; however, they are incorrect for the car. The wheel bolts required have a long shank before the threads. If you cannot supply the correct wheel bolts please let me know. In either case the wheel bolts you sent will have to be returned as they are incorrect for the installation. The proper part number should be A-124-400-07-70.

OEMercedes:

The Long Shaft Lug Bolts are Discontinued from Mercedes Benz, and NOT recommended. Mercedes Benz Supercede the Lugs to the ones you received. The Long Shank Lug Bolts would break at the shaft. The only reason for the Long Shaft was for Cosmetic Reasons (so the top of the nut would be flush with the surface of the rim).

(On the surface and even with further review, this is total B.S.  Mercedes-Benz offered A1240000770 lug bolt as a replacement up until just a few weeks before. They do not break at the shaft unless they are incorrectly installed by some neanderthal with an air gun or a breaker bar. There are thousands of W/C126's and R-107's out there running around with their original long-shaft lug bolts with literally millions of miles on them that have not broken at the shaft.)

So I emailed them back:

Sadly, the “new” ones are not original to the car and do not look right as they are recessed into the wheel. The original bolts did not break. I can only assume later Mercedes-Benz bolts were of poorer quality and maybe those did break. If you cannot supply the correct bolts, which these are not, then I must return them and find the correct ones from an alternate source. Please provide me with the correct return information and shipping label so I can do so.

OEMercedes:

You can return the Bolts and we will refund you for the Part only. We are a Mercedes Benz Dealer. These are the correct Mercedes Benz Bolts for you vehicle, as any other Mercedes Benz dealer will tell you. You will not be able to buy the extended shaft bolts from another Mercedes Benz dealer. You may be able to find an after market Bolt, but i would not recommend them. When they break they are not easy to remove.

Me:

I find that you will not refund shipping in both directions unacceptable. This is the wrong bolt for the original wheels. Mercedes carried the correct bolt until very recently. Just because they substitute a different bolt than the original because they choose to no longer source or supply the correct bolt does not make it acceptable in appearance or service when restoring a car. It is simply the wrong part.

OEMercedes:

Silence......................

Now here's the thing, if they told me from the beginning that they were going to substitute bolt A0009904807 for A1240000770 and explained the difference and then I ordered the bolts I could see where they have a point in not refunding shipping, but since they substituted the "new replacement" bolt for the old without telling me then I think it is incumbent upon them to make it right. If they cannot supply the correct part, regardless of what MB says, then they have an obligation to me the customer to accept the bolts back and refund all monies spent. I cannot accept the bolts because they do not look right, regardless of what some bean counter at corporate thinks. This battle will continue until I am ultimately victorious! Oorah!

On a more positive note, the correct replacement wheel center caps came from Pelican Parts today. At least somebody on-line can get it right the first time.

I keep meaning to sit down and list all the things we've done thus far to bring JC back up to speed, but work get in the way and time slips away, not to mention all the time taken up correcting what I can only describe as Cyber Induced Errors.

Thought for the week: If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there.

Hals und Beinbruch!

Wheels! Glorious Wheels!

Johnny's "new" wheels were delivered the other day by FedEx while I was away this past week. My darling wife, Avril, said the delivery guy, unbeknownst to her, put them in the open garage while she was working in the back garden.

When I returned late-late Sunday night I couldn't be bothered to check them out in the wee hours of the morning, so I left them until the next day. Upon further inspection, much to my chagrin, I found three of the six boxes were damaged, one significantly so. With a bit of trepidation I photographed and then opened each one. Much to my relief all the wheels were ok and in pretty good nick to boot.

Off to the shop they went for refinishing and new rubber while Johnny is having his transmission seals, all of them, mount and flex disks replaced along with the A/C sorting; new compressor, dryer, etc.

The next big leap will be for the paint and body work, interior headliner and dash. There are a couple of mods I'm considering. The first is to paint the cladding and bumpers the same as the body color. I've seen several done like that and they look very good. I'm also considering fitting Euro bumpers and headlights, if I can find them. That may come a bit further down the line. The center console wood needs refinishing along with a replacement Becker Grand Prix radio. It's a work in progress.


P.S. Malcolm - Thank you for the wheels and doing all the heavy lifting packing and shipping.

BJ

Unfortunately, Johnny has been a bit neglected these past few days. I had a 4-day trip which took me out of the loop for, well, four days and along the way I managed to catch a bad head cold, which knocked me for a loop. So I’ve been a bit loopy lately. Feeling  a bit better today, I went to work on the air cleaner yet again. Another hour of effort with only a bit of improvement and a sore index finger to show for it. There is so much pitting due to corrosion I’m beginning to wonder if it’s a lost cause. My choice is to continue and accept it for what it is, try to find a used one in better condition or see if NOS replacements are still available from MBZ. I have yet to dig that deep yet. My hope is to keep Johnny as original as possible, but that too may be a lost cause as I know a new front and rear bumper are on the menu along with new (refurbished) wheels.

After tiring of rubbing my finger in circles I decided to continue with the underside of the hood, a.k.a., bonnet for our U.K. listeners. This afternoon I attacked it with Mother’s Detail Spray, which worked a treat, making short work of the overspray form some well-meaning, but dull detailer. It leaves a nice sheen to the gray under hood bits without looking too glossy. Unfortunately, I accidentally scraped along the bottom edge of the hood pad and being old and brittle (the hood pad, not me) a small bit flaked off all over the outside vent intake and onto the engine. Out comes the leaf blower to blow the bits away and to my surprise a lot more foliage came up from the crevices down under. I did the same last week and thought I got most of it out, however, you wouldn't have known it by the amount of debris that surfaced yet again. H.R.H. stepped out just as I was finishing blowing the engine and said: “I guess you really love that car. I see you were giving it a blow job.” To which I responded; “If you really love me then maybe you… blah, blah, blah…” I can’t really print what she said here, but I will be dining (and sleeping) alone tonight. That said, if you’ve never thought of a leaf blower as one of the first tools to use when detailing an engine then think again.

I did encounter a bit of a shocker at the end of the blow job when I looked under the battery tray for any recalcitrant greenery. I know the battery tray is in need of attention, however, much to my chagrin I saw some surface rust on the body panel hidden underneath the tray. Something I did not expect or notice earlier. Let’s hope it’s nothing more than superficial. I would loathe having to pull the engine to do a major panel repair in that area. It would mean a cost escalation along the lines of the Navy’s new Gerald R. Ford aircraft carrier. I’m not looking to build a show car here, I just want as nice an example as I can have for display and to drive to MBCA events and along the way preserve a TV icon’s automobile for the future. I do take some comfort in knowing that this car cost over $79,000 when new in 1988, which adjusted for inflation is about $163,000 in today's money.

I did take JC for another short spin today in addition to a 38-miler yesterday. I’ve racked up the miles since picking up Johnny almost six weeks ago, but what the hell, H.R.H. (a.k.a., Avril, my darling wife) is right, I simply love this car.

P.S. While I was typing this tome my new best friend Malcolm called with the wheels I am in dire need of. Kind of makes up for the rest of the day’s maladies. Happy day!

Debutant

Yesterday was our local Cars & Coffee and the debut of “Johnny”on the local scene, but the promise of rain the night before made the outing look doubtful. Upon arising, the radar showed the massive blob of rain precariously positioned to strike from over parts of West Virginia, Ohio and Kentucky the night before had somehow flattened and moved south of the NC/VA border. It was obvious it rained the night before, but the streets were by now mostly dry, so if figured why not?

I seem to be saying that a lot since we bought Johnny. At the time of his purchase I think I said or at least thought something similar, like; “Oh, there’s a 560SEC formally owned by Johnny Carson for sale on eBay. Maybe I should buy it… why not?” And thus the deed was done. Now no rational person would buy a 29-year-old car sight unseen over the Internet without at least some kind of PPI, or at least have a friend take a look. No fairly astute “car guy” would choose to ignore all the bad things that existed, which would automatically disqualify any other SEC from consideration. No rational human being would choose to believe all the accolades about the car from a guy three-thousand miles away whom you don’t know and never met, just because the car used to belong to the “King of Late Night.” No, no one would just say “Why Not?” and pull the trigger, but I did. But I digress.

We headed out to C&C and I really did not expect much of a turnout because of the weather and that proved to be the case. What also proved to be the case was the accuracy of the weather forecast. There were a few sprinkles on the way over and about 15 minutes after arriving it began a steady rain, which thankfully was very light and only lasted a few minutes. I parked in the Merc Section and there were a few ooh’s and aah’s along with a number of positive comments, but nothing over the top. Nothing like OMG! Johnny Carsons car??? WOW! Not that I expected that and I would have been rather embarrassed for anybody who reacted that way. In any event Johnny is not really ready for prime time, but it was nice to get him out and mingle a bit.

By the time C&C was over and got home I went to work removing some scratches that were bugging me on the left and right fenders. Fortunately, they were not too deep and came out pretty good. By then I was too tired to continue being as the day before was my birthday and much merriment took place, plus a had a boat load of chores to do around the house before departing on my trip early the next day. Instead of tackling another job on Johnny I decided instead to sit down and watch the 12 Hours of Sebring. Long story short, it was a good race for the home team as Mercedes AMG WeatherTech took home the GTD Class win and mostly dominated their class the entire race. After a few hours of that I switched over to Wheeler Dealers where Edd was working on a 560SL. Watching that along with the sun finally coming out and the temperature rising, was enough for me to get off my sorry butt and do another Johnny Job.

In my continuing quest to detail the engine I decided to tackle the air cleaner assembly. I contemplated a number of ways to do this. First I tried Brasso. In the olden days Brasso was good for anything, aluminum, stainless steel and even brass, but it was not the proper formula for this job. The assembly cover was a bit aged and was starting to develop some aluminum corrosion and resulting pitting, so I thought I’d try some Scotch Brite to take of the heavy black bits. Wrong answer! Fortunately, I only did it in a rather small and inconspicuous place so the light scratches it left behind are not noticeable. Finally, I resorted to Mother’s Aluminum and Mag polish, which worked a treat, however, it takes a lot of time and a lot of rubbing. My only fear is that it may be too shiny at the end of the day and the ends of my fingers will disappear along with the corrosion.

While hard at work on this endeavor, my neighbor Pat came over with a very nice present. Pat just came back from a business trip to Germany and bought me a very nice Mercedes-Benz baseball cap while he was there. I supposed he was returning the favor from when I brought him a case of Red Oak beer from Raleigh where I stopped off at the brewery on the last leg of Johnny’s 10-day journey to his new home a couple of weeks ago. So with that and seeing as my fingers were by now feeling like those of a novice guitar player, I decided to call it quits for the day and have a beer. Therefore, there are still many joyous hours to go on just the engine bay alone. One of these days I’ll get around to posting what has already been done and what more needs doing. Stay tuned.

St Patrick's Day Update

I didn't think I would continue this Blog past the arrival date; however, after a couple of weeks off I figured, why the hell not. Today I started detailing the engine bay. I hoped to spend most of the day getting a handle on it, but we had to do a home visit to place a rescue dog and then grocery shopping, etc., etc., so what I planned to be a six-hour stint turned into two hours, thus barely scratching the surface. If you have ever detailed a neglected Mercedes-Benz 560SEC engine bay then you can feel my pain. The amount of debris collected in every crease and crevice is substantial. I began by blowing it out, first with a gas powered yard blower and then with a hose attached to my air compressor to reach the tighter spaces. After that it was on to the Shop Vac with assorted attachments. I is truly unbelievable the amount of crap that accumulates when a car is left out and neglected. From there I thought I would tackle the air cleaner housing, but as I started I realized the worst part under the hood was really the space below the windshield. Whatever idiot moron that passed himself off as a "detailer" sprayed that damned dressing all over the engine compartment, much of which ended up on the black panel immediately below the windshield. Almost the entirety of the two hours was spent on this area alone. Needless to say little else was done in time for "Johnny's" not ready for prime time debut at Williamsburg's C&C in the morning. It does look like rain tomorrow so the whole exercise may be moot and instead I can spend the day continuing to clean the engine compartment. If you have not had the pleasure of detailing under the hood of a 560SEC then you are missing a treat. There are more hoses, hydraulic lines, wires and electrical connections than on the U.S.S. Enterprise. This is going to be a long job, but for me it is a kind of therapy. My day job can get rather stressful, so it's nice to have this escape when time and conditions permit.
Yesterday I had "Johnny's" battery replaced. The "Used Battery" so prominently displayed was by now was such a complete and utter point of  annoyance I simply had to do something about it. The fact that I asked the PO how old the battery was before I picked up the car and him telling me it was only two months old, only to find out it was a "used battery" was flabbergasting. Be that as it may, along with a number of other details, including the  promise of the "second set of keys" which subsequently turned into one other "spare" or "flat" key that has never been sent despite numerous promises to the contrary, I still absolutely love this car and don't begrudge Mike the premium I paid him. We have a long way to go yet, but at the end of the day "Johnny" will be a primo example of the series and with his pedigree he is bound to be a fan favorite. I have no intention of "flipping" this car or selling to anytime soon. Although this will not be my only project, nor my last, I do not expect to say sayonara to "Johnny" for a long, lone time.
Next time I'll cover what has been done mechanically to date. It's quite extensive, although I believe it is only the tip of the ice berg. Stay tuned.

When Johnny Comes Marching Home

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost a week since I returned from the cross-country trip with Johnny. The very next day I was out doing a thorough cleaning and then made arrangements to deliver Johnny to the Auto Haus Classic Center in Williamsburg the next day for Johnny’s initial evaluation. As you know, Rafi Autotech did a not unsubstantial amount of work on the car prior to departing Los Angeles, but really only enough to make it safe. The bottom line is this car has had a lot of maintenance deferred over the years. I’m happy to say that period of Johnny’s existence has come to an end. As you might expect during Mr. Carson’s ten years of ownership the car received regular service from Mercedes-Benz of Beverly Hills, with the appropriate stamps recorded in the maintenance book. That came to an end when the car was sold and no maintenance records exist, barring some CARFAX entries, between that time and my taking ownership.

Upon delivering the car to Auto Haus this past Friday, Johnny was placed Simon Wohlstaetter’s capable hands. Simon is from the “old country” and has been wrenching on classic Mercedes-Benz’ since he was a teenager. His initial impression of Johnny is very good, which is actually a relief coming from somebody I know and trust and who knows these cars inside and out. This confirms my impression that underneath neglected state is a gem in the rough. That said, I did hand Simon a laundry list of items and I’m sure he will find more that needs doing on top of what has already been done.

The current plan is to get Johnny into the best possible mechanical shape possible, tackling the big-ticket items first and moving onto the more mundane items later. After we get it mechanically sorted it will be time to move onto the paint and body. I suspect that will be the most time consuming aspect of bringing Johnny up to speed and something I will certainly leave to those who know better than I how to go about it. In the meantime, I’ll be collecting Johnny either later this week or early next and drive him a bit until we review the plan and timeline going forward.

There is already another list forming in the back of my head concerning how to take Johnny to the next level. We’ve already received an invitation to bring Johnny to Pinehurst. Sadly, that will have to wait until next year I’m afraid. We have a lot of sorting and spitting and polishing to do before he’s ready for that sort of event. In any case, we’ll try to get Johnny around to a few local shows this spring, summer and fall. He won’t be fully ready, but if you’re in the neighborhood be sure and come by and have a look. Maybe we can hire an Ed McMahon impersonator to say “Heeeere’s…”

Johnny, Simon, Avril & Preston @ Auto Haus Williamsburg

Wheeeeere's Johnny Day 10 - Final Day

Ten days, 3,477.8 miles, 13 tanks of gas and one quart of oil later “Johnny” and I arrived home safe and sound late Wednesday afternoon. This epic journey to collect Johnny and drive across country to visit friends and relatives, living and dead, came off without any catastrophic mechanical failures, flat tires or failure to perform on Johnny’s part, or mine for that matter.

The final day was probably the least interesting and eventful of the trip. I awoke early and we were on the road by 5:40 aye-em from Oxford, Alabama. The rainstorm that we pushed through on Monday, which caught up to us later that night, we passed through again Tuesday afternoon only for it to catch and pass us once again overnight made it inevitable that we would catch it again in the morning. Unfortunately, the timing coincided with reaching Atlanta during rush hour. Yet again I turned a deaf ear to Ms. Waze’s directions in what I thought would be a better route during Atlanta’s rush hour frenzy. BIG mistake. Waze wanted me to continue straight through downtown on I-75/85 and I thought that would just be insane. Certainly, taking the I-285 around the city would avoid the worst of the traffic. Wrongo moose breath. The traffic on the loop was crawling at 5 mph, therefore, I reevaluated Waze’s input and we thence proceeded through the streets of Atlanta to link back up with I-75/85 somewhere in the vicinity of the Georgia Tech campus.

Once clear of Atlanta the drive was smooth sailing except for the interminable construction zones, although the rain abated for a while. I did make one unscheduled stop at the Red Hook Brewery outside of Raleigh, NC. My neighbor turned me on to Red Hook awhile back, so I thought why not? I picked up a case for him and one for myself and got a brief peek at the operation too boot. Full brewery tours are only done on Friday afternoons. Back underway, we managed to make good time and hit the rain yet again as we crossed into Virginia. Undaunted, we pressed on and arrived home at 5:40 pee-em, exactly 11 hours after starting out that morning. For you math wizards you have to take the time zone change into account for the arithmetic to work.

I now have a laundry list of items to address and as I finally get around to writing this Johnny has already been delivered to Auto Haus’ Classic Center in Williamsburg, Virginia for evaluation towards a sympathetic restoration. Initial reaction by the staff and owner was favorable, so I look forward to the final result, if there ever is such a thing, if not the final bill. I’ll keep you posted.

Would I do this trip again? Certainly! But I think I’ll wait a wee bit before doing it again. I couldn’t have done any of this without the encouragement and support of my darling wife Avril. When I first broached the subject of buying the car and then later driving it across country, Avril was all for it even though it would leave her holding down the fort here at home while I was gallivanting across the country in our Eighties Mercedes. Somebody should write a song…

Arrival

Wheeeeere's Johnny Day 9

I awoke this morning to rain, which is not the best weather one can hope for when touring grave sites; however, being the indomitable person I am I pressed on. The first disappointment of the day came when I opened Johnny’s trunk to find water had leaked in during the deluge the night before. Although maybe not totally unexpected, after running through rain in LA and during the drive yesterday and not getting any rain in the trunk, I really didn't expect it to be a problem. I guess as long as he’s moving the water sloughs off the back, but sitting is a whole ‘nuther story. Fortunately, there is a layer of cardboard that holds the old pax window and that managed to absorb a lot of it. Undaunted, I headed north out of Laurel to Sandersville to find the grave sites of one Benjamin Franklin Purvis, my great-great-grandfather and George Wesley Purvis, my great-grandfather. Pretty easy pickings as the church and cemetery were only about a 20 minute drive from my starting point and just a wee bit outside of Sandersville, MS where my grandfather was born.

After wandering around the cemetery a bit I found the markers quite easily, paid my due respects to the dear departed and headed out to find the elusive burial ground of John Purves II, my 4th great-grandfather, which I tried to find yesterday. I headed back to the original location and after stopping to talk to an elderly lady who had lived in the area for over 50 years, got no closer to discovering the plot’s location. Not to be deterred, I headed into the town of Bay Springs to check at the local court house. The clerk was extremely helpful as well as a local volunteer fireman who was chatting her up when I arrived. They were more than willing to give me more information than I actually needed, but hey, this is the south and that has to be expected. That said, neither of them ever heard of Old Enon Cemetery, not that that deterred them from discussing it at length. Finally, the clerk called a local funeral home and after being passed from one person to the other there was a gentleman who was sure he knew where the cemetery was located. Getting precise directions this time I headed out of town yet again on my quest for another dead Purvis, or in this case Purves. You might wonder what the difference in spelling, but you have to remember years ago not everyone was as literate as they are today (ahhh, right) so spelling was at the option of the person writing it down on some official document. In this case it seemed to change with Benjamin and the local draft board. This I'm a Purvis and not a Purves. Anyway, following the directions in was was now becoming a steadily increasing downpour, I managed to find the cemetery they directed me to, however, it wasn’t the right one either. After two and a half hours of searching I gave it up as a lost cause. Maybe I’ll return someday with better intel.

I decided I reached the conclusion of chasing things down rabbit holes so I set Waze for home and started out in and ever increasing rain storm. The roads through Mississippi and Alabama aren’t too bad for the most part, but Alabama seems to have a lot of I-59 under construction with miles and miles of road restricted to 50 mph, even though there isn't a damn bit of construction going on, only  “Begin Construction” signs and “End Construction” signs and of course “Fines Doubled in Construction Zone” signs along with a few orange barrels along the side of the road. All in all it was very maddening, especially when most cars and trucks seem to be obvious to the reduced speed limits.

They say prior planning prevents poor performance and in this case that adage is true. As I passed through Tuscaloosa, Alabama I saw a sign for the Mercedes-Benz factory and visitor’s center. Well, I just has to stop, didn’t I? I got there at 3:00 pm, an hour before closing. The place was all but empty. A couple were just finishing a purchase at the gift shop and were leaving, so I had the facility to myself. If I had planned better, I might have arrived earlier and been able to do the factory tour. That said, it was quite the enjoyable visit. There were a number of classic MB vehicles including the first motorized carriage (Daimler), first motorcycle (Daimler again) and first automobile (Benz). There was a stunning cream 300SL, a 280SE Cabriolet, a new Maybach and my next car (in my dreams) a fantastic new S-Class Cabriolet. In addition there was Lewis Hamilton’s F1 W02 along with other significant MB’s. I even had my picture taken with my new BFF Lewis Hamilton (wink, wink). The whole deal only took about 40 minutes and I was back on the road only to realize I was going to pass Barber Motorsports Park and museum. Sadly that will have to wait for another trip. As darkness fell I had no desire to continue in the rain, so I decided to call it quits for the night. More rain is in the forecast so I may have to get a little rubber ducky to float in Johnny’s trunk for the remainder of the trip, which hopefully concludes after a long drive tomorrow. If this does turn out to be the penultimate Blog of the trip, then I can only say Johnny has preformed admirably thus far and I’ve learned a lot about him along the way. We surpassed 3,000 miles on this cross-country jaunt as of today. I guess you can say we’ve bonded. Certainly I felt as though my  arse has bonded to the seat at times.

New BFF

Wheeeeere's Johnny Day 8

After a great weekend visiting with family I headed out on on a rather gloomy Monday morning to points east. Originally, I planned to head for Nashville to visit an old high school friend with a possible layover in Memphis along the way for a little Blues and BBQ on Beale Street. Turns out my buddy was going to be out of town on business when I arrived, so time for Plan B. While discussing family history with my grandson and daughters I had a brainwave. Mississippi is not too far away and I’d still be heading approximately in the right direction, so why not drive to Sandersville, Mississippi and find the graves of three more sets of grandparents? Heck, I already visited my 3rd great-grandparent’s gravesite, now I could see the others. This trek has now officially become the Dead Purvis’ Tour.

The weather was intermittent rain as I headed down U.S. 69S to pickup I-20. Once I crossed the border into Louisiana it started bucketing down for about 20 minutes until finally abating just outside of Shreveport. My first real stop other than for gas was Barksdale AFB, in Bossier City just east of Shreveport. In the old days Barksdale was a Strategic Air Command (SAC) base and home to 2nd Air Force and later 8th Air Force, which it remains today. It is also home to Global Strike Command, a sort-of reincarnation of SAC, formed after several nuclear weapons handling SNAFU’s. The base is typical of the era and somewhat rundown in my view. Thank you congress for sequestration. They do, however, have quite a few aircraft on display, including a B-52G model which I wrenched on in the 70’s and flew back in the 80’s, tail number #57-6509. What does it mean when the primary vehicles I was once involved with are now museum pieces?

On the road again I spotted a sign for the Claire Chennault Museum in Monroe, Louisiana. Not being one to pass up an air museum I decided to pay a visit. For those of you who don’t know who Major General Chennault is, shame on you. General Chennault, then retired, served as an air advisor in China and formed the 1st American Volunteer Group, a.k.a., Flying Tigers at the outbreak of WWII. Unfortunately, the museum does not live up to the Chennault’s stellar achievements being a bit of a disappointment in size and condition with a dismal static display. I'm sure they are doing the best they can with what they have and I commend the volunteers for their dedication and contributions.

Moving east once again, the weather was now great for elbow on the windowsill driving. Eighty degrees and mostly cloudy. The roads in Louisiana are nowhere near as nice as the ones in Texas. I have to give Texans credit here, even though they have more than their fair share of abysmal drivers, pickup trucks and just plain stupid “frontage roads,” the condition of their roads overall is some of the best I’ve encountered. Speaking of encountering, as I was driving along I-20 in Louisiana I saw a billboard alerting me to watch out for black bears on the road. My first thought is it was some sort of animal protection league advertisement until only a few miles later I came across a bear warning sign. They are a lot like our deer crossing signs back home, but larger and ensconced with flashing yellow lights. Fortunately, I did not encounter such Smokey da Bear, although I guess Smokey is technically a brown bear . The singular striking feature of Louisiana is how flat it is. Like Florida only without orange juice.

Once I crossed the Mississippi into, well, Mississippi, the terrain changed dramatically. The endless flat became rolling hills and thick woods. I was making pretty good time and shortly turned off I-20 onto Route 15 to Bay Springs. You haven't lived until you’ve driven Route 15 in Mississippi. OK, maybe you’ve lived, but… Well, you can probably go your whole life and not drive Route 15 to Bay Springs and you will be better off. I finally hit Bay Springs just before sundown and was beginning to run short of time to find Old Enon Cemetery where my 4th great-grandfather John Purves is supposedly buried. Not being one to be stymied by such things as daylight I pressed on after refueling. I found the road on which the cemetery is supposed to be located, but bugger if I could find it. I gave it up for a lost cause that day and headed for the barn, in this case a Hampton Inn in Laurel about 30 minutes down the road and vowed I’d find the plot on the morrow.

One of the things I told myself at the onset of this foray it that I would make some attempt to stay in decent hotels and eat at a few good restaurants. So far it’s been Hampton Inns and Buffalo Wild Wings. Go figure. Tomorrow’s another day.

Wheeeeere's Johnny Day 5

Day five started as I departed my friend Paul’s house for Howe, Texas to spend the weekend with my daughters and grandkids, but first I was going to make a stop at a namesake town, Purves, Texas. I headed up U.S. 281 through the Texas Hill Country, which is rather scenic with rolling hills and large ranches. Fortunately, this route precluded me from dealing with San Antonio morning rush-hour traffic. One rather quaint town I came across was Marble Falls. Unlike the usual gritty Texas backcountry towns it was a quaint mixture of old and new, well laid out and rather inviting. They even had a Starbucks.

Getting to Purves wasn’t difficult, but being somewhere west of East Jesus, there isn’t any regular cell phone coverage, meaning data was not available thus rendering Waze and Google Maps unavailable. Therefore, I went old school and broke out a map. Any man worth his salt can still navigate using a map, so it was none too difficult and I found Purves exactly where I needed it to be. My first stop was Pecan Cemetery where James and his brother and their wives are interned, James in 1900 and his wife Mary Ann some 16 years later. It took awhile to actually find the graves, but it was worth the effort. Job done I headed into town, as it were. Purves was founded by my third great-grandfather, James and his brother William in 1890. John established the church and like other Purves’ was likely the preacher as well as the village blacksmith and Postmaster. As I pulled off the road next to a couple of derelict buildings I happened upon a woman out retrieving her mail. I asked if she knew anything about the history of Purves, now just a collection of crumbling old buildings and a few mobile homes and she pointed to the structure I was parked in front of and told me that it was once the post office. Bingo! It looked like the typical general store of the times, which the Purves brothers ran as well and next to it was undoubtedly ye old blacksmith shop. Tour complete.

From there, map in hand, I navigated to civilization and then Wazed myself through Dallas/Fort Worth rush-hour traffic to Howe for a very nice weekend with family. Johnny performed admirably, not missing a beat along the way, although as usual, about 15 minutes out the SRS light stared flashing again telling me it was time to call it a day. Uncanny. I won’t bore you with a full report of the weekend other than to say Johnny got a much needed bath on Saturday and Greg, my son-in-law, helped me retract the permanently extended radio antenna and re-affix the front license plate, which by this time was only hanging by one screw. The road trip continues on Monday.

Wheeeeere's Johnny Day 4

I’ve been a bit recalcitrant to updating this tome while visiting friends and family this weekend. The trip from Van Horn to San Antonio on Thursday began just before sunrise heading out I-10 over the Trans-Pecos. There is quite a topographical change between the deserts of California, Arizona and New Mexico to the rolling hills of West Texas where scrub oaks predominate the landscape. The gradual elevation decrease of 3,000 feet enroute to San Antonio is masked by the constant undulation of the terrain. Just before crossing the Pecos River I spotted a “scenic loop” and me being me, I decided to check it out. The 24-mile diversion took us through the town of Sheffield, which unlike its namesake in England was never a center of manufacturing of any kind. This town is probably as desolate and as poor as it gets in Texas. A bit further on I came across the Fort Lancaster Historical Site. The fort was established in 1855 to protect travelers and mail on the overland route from San Antonio the San Diego. The outpost was permanently abandoned in 1868 and all that remains are some foundation walls and a small visitor’s center. As far as the diversion being “scenic,” the only difference in the view that I could see was the change from a four-lane Interstate to two-lanes.

As with the journey through Arizona and New Mexico, this area is also heavily patrolled by U.S. Customs and Border Patrol agents. I encountered two Border Patrol checkpoints and several unmanned gauntlets where your picture is taken as you cruise through. The speed limit along I-10 is 80 mph and I spent a majority of my time at or above that number with nary a complaint from Johnny. Only the minimally annoying vibration from the front, which seemed to subside somewhat as the speed increased. I’m beginning to wonder now if it may be a motor mount instead of a strut problem. Something to look forward to sorting out at the end of the journey. One of the nice things about this car that I eluded to earlier was the expansive glass and great visibility. This lends itself to resting one’s elbow on the door ledge with the window down. That is something I can’t really say is comfortable to do in a modern survival cocoon.

One slightly disturbing image I passed with almost as much regularity as mile markers were spots of burned areas along their shoulder of the road. These weren't from the carelessness of a discarded cigarette, but a marker of where somebody's car burned to the ground along the highway. Miles from nowhere, I’m sure this was a completely helpless feeling watching what in some cases must have been all of one’s worldly possessions go up in flames. The striking regularly of these spots along the highway traversing the desert and chaparral gives one pause. I’m glad I brought along a fire extinguisher.

It took the full eight hours to make it to my buddy’s house in San Antonio and of course, I hit the north west part of town during rush hour. Like El Paso before it, San Antonio traffic is every bit as bad as what I encountered in L.A. or even back east in D.C. The other thing I find universal is that the closer you get to big cities the more assholes you encounter on the freeway. Sheer stupidity, ignorance and arrogance must be genetically engrained in at least 15% of the population. True to form, the SRS light came on about 15 minutes from destination telling me it was time to call it a day. Thankfully, Johnny and I were able to arrive at Paul and Julie’s house unscathed and enjoyed a nice dinner along with a few adult beverages while we caught up and reminisced.

Ft. Lancaster